Drowning
by inmyeyes
Summary: RT songfic : Tristan can't fight his feelings any more. (One-shot)


.... :: drowning :: .... Disclaimer: I don't own the characters- they belong to WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino.

A.N : This was written in response to Jennifer's challenge. Hope you guys like it! :-)   
[Thanks to everyone who reviewed my previous story!] 

**Drowning**

__Don't pretend you're sorry, I know you're not__

It was difficult to be near, yet it was also difficult to be apart from her. A part of him-the old Tristan who didn't care about anything or anyone- wanted to play it cool as though he wasn't at all hurt, that he wasn't affected by the fact that she despised everything about him, that his heart didn't crumble into pieces when he heard her declaration of hatred towards him. The other part of him- the one underneath the swagger, the smirks, the leering looks- wanted to hide in a corner, curl up into a ball and protect himself from any more hurt.

_You know you got the power, to make me weak inside___

He couldn't give in to either of those urges; hiding was too cowardly and Tristan DuGrey was no coward. He couldn't play it cool either, not when it came to Rory, not anymore.__

_And girl you leave me breathless, but it's ok___

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and each day he had to bear the agony of seeing her, wanting her yet wanting to stay away. He had to clench his fists to stop from reaching out to her. He had to tear his eyes away from her form and he had to stop his heart from calling out to her.

It was an impossible task.__

_'Cos you are my survival: Now hear me say___

Each smile that wasn't directed at him, each look that was turned away, each step that took her away from him stabbed his fragile heart.

He realised he liked to torture himself.__

Because each time he saw that smile, his heart lurched. When she was discussing Shakespeare and her blue eyes came alive, his heart stopped. And whenever she absently pushed her hair behind her ears, caught up in a book, he had to stop and remind himself breathe.__

_I can't imagine a life without your love___

She had become such a big part of his life, even without really being in it the way he wanted. It seemed like his eyes always sought her out. He'd be walking down the hallway, and his eyes would be pulled towards her. He'd be sitting in the cafeteria, and even though he wasn't consciously looking for her, he'd see her. Before class. During class. After class. There she was. Everywhere.__

_Even forever don't seem like long enough___

He was convinced that the image of her had been burned beneath his eyelids. She was there, sitting in front of him. Looking at him, really looking at him, for what seemed like the first time. Seeing right through him. She was there, looking at him as though he really mattered. She was there, kissing him.

The way she was, the way she looked that night they kissed had been etched in his memory.__

_Every time I breathe I take you in, and my heart beats again___

He remembered every single moment of that night. Those precious moments were like a movie reel that he had played one too many times in his mind. He played it backwards, forward, in slow-motion, savoring everything that he knew he'd never feel again.__

_Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love___

And just when he'd try to not think about her, something would inextricably remind him of her. Like the time he was staying up to study, to avoid dreaming of her, and he had gone to get some coffee... which reminded him of her. Or the time when he switched on the radio to pull his thoughts away and a PJ Harvey song had come on... which reminded him of her. Or the time when...__

_And every time I try to rise above, I'm swept away by love_

'You are pathetic, Tristan DuGrey.' he scolded himself, as he covered his face with his pillow and tried to get comfortable in the bed.

'You'd think that being hundreds of miles away from her would help you forget. Instead you remember every little detail about her.'

_Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love___

When his parents proposed spending the summer in their villa in Nice, he had jumped at the opportunity. He had thought that being an ocean away would dim his feelings for her. Distance and time- that's what he thought he needed to get over her.__

It was a foolish thought.__

_Maybe I'm a drifter, maybe not_   
_Cos I have known the safety of floating freely in your arms___

The distance made him realize one thing: no matter how agonizing it was to be near her and not have her, it was even more torture being away. Without the prospect of her smile, her laugh or just knowing that she was there.

Time had ticked by too slowly, and it seemed like a lifetime before school started again and he'd be able to see her.__

_I don't need another lifeline, it's not for me_   
_Cause only you can save me.... Oh, can't you see___

If he was scared before, he was petrified now.

At how much she had come to mean to him. At how much he cared.

At how much he loved her.__

_I can't imagine a life without your love_   
_And even forever don't seem like long enough___

Because that's what it was. Love.__

_Go on and pull me under_   
_Cover me with dreams, yeah___

It couldn't be anything else. The intensity of his feelings: the way his heart pounded whenever she was near, the way he couldn't seem to form coherent sentences when talking to her, the way his eyes gravitated to her, the way he wanted to be one who brought her coffee every morning and see her eyes light up, the way he wanted to protect from from everything and anything... and just...

_Love me mouth to mouth now_   
_You know I can't resist_   
_Cause you're the air that I breathe___

He just loved her.

_Every time I breathe I take you in, and my heart beats again_   
_Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love_

He didn't how or why, but it didn't matter to him.__

_And every time I try to rise above, I'm swept away by love_   
_Baby I can't help it, you keep me drowning in your love___

Distance and time did nothing but strengthen his feelings. He couldn't escape her. Even now, as he tossed and turned in his bed, he saw her in his mind.__

_Baby I can't help it_   
_Keep drowning in your love_

She was there, sitting in front of him. Looking at him, really looking at him, for what seemed like the first time. Seeing right through him. She was there, looking at him as though he really mattered. She was there, kissing him.

She was there, telling him she cared. Telling him she loved him, and always had, and that she'd never leave him.__

_Drowning___

He was drowning, in her.

He couldn't fight it; he didn't want to.__

_You got me drowning, drowning in your love___

He closed his eyes, and let the tide pull him under.

_Baby I can't help it_   
_You keep me drowning in your love___

  
Song credit: Drowning by Backstreet Boys 


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